Since I can fondly remember, writing has always allowed me to escape the incessant chatter that runs rampant in my mind. These days it seems that this chatter decided it needed to break FREE from thy mind and flow out through thy lips. Although it hasn’t gotten me into trouble, I am well aware that my patience is running thin within the realms of parenthood. My loving, compassionate, creative, genius of a child is having difficulties in transitioning through-out his daily life. In relation to this, I am needing to focus all my energy on nurturing these qualms. This didn’t sit well with my newly acquired employer, and I was faced with a choice I have never really had to face as an adult; family vs. employer. The decision was decided even before the question was asked, because I have learned in life that there are certain things you never compromise, and family is at the top of that list! Although I know I made the right decision, it was still a tough decision, and I would be a liar if I said I didn’t feel a bit of frustration at first towards my son. Yet, I then felt immediately remorseful knowing that his little being is going through such turmoil.
The toughest part of being a parent for me is not being able to make everything okay for my child, not being able to fix his problems for him. The feeling of being helpless, or not being able to provide a quick remedy to his pain. Although, we are taking it day by day and allowing for the Lord to work through us, there are times where I get really upset with God. It has been a long way away from home for me, as I grew up in the church; my father (foster) is a minister and my biological family are fairly religious and went to church on Sundays, so I have known more about the bible than about the history of the United States since I was a young child. I have been a follower for as far back as I can remember, which is pretty far back if you’re like me and remember your birth! So, my immediate reaction was to turn to my church community, I am very fortunate to have such a loving, caring, compassionate, resourceful community at that. We have been blessed with the opportunity to have a healing prayer with our pastor and children’s director, which I found very helpful and allowed for my son to be honest about certain feelings that he wasn’t comfortable sharing with me. Our bond has been strengthened by this and what I feared was plaguing him, was affirmed through his lips. We are also seeking counseling through a family mental health specialist, as we can’t do it on our own.
Throughout this journey, I also have been affirmed that my choice to be a strong advocate towards providing boundaries with the time spent with his father are well warranted. Although in the past I have made exceptions, those have come at a cost to my son’s well being and my job in this world is to provide my child with love, safety, security, consistency, and guidance. There isn’t any other job worth having if this one isn’t done whole heartedly, correctly, with humility and patience. The Lord has sworn to me that, ‘…he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 and “…Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy; For You render to each one according to his work.” Psalm 62:12